By Robert Kingett.
This monologue was recorded in 2023,
The book reports.
Hey, it’s me. I guess you’re busy. I completed the book report you wanted me to edit. It was a lot of fun, actually! Who knew that Mrs. Amanda would give us such an epic assignment as to study a dinosaur erotica for English class!
I sent it to both your emails, and I also sent you an instant message, but, well, really though, I don’t know why you even had me to this in the first place. You seemed to understand the story, the themes, and the plots, so I don’t even know why you needed my help editing this thing. You could have done this yourself, now I think about it.
I was more than happy to help, but, like, this has been going on for a while. You asking me to help you but then you ignoring me all the other times I want to say hey to you or even ask how your day is going. What’s up with that, by the way? You know I kind of feel like that bird in chapter two that got crushed by the bigger dinosaur, but, now we’re on the subject, that’s a perfect allegory for how You’ve been treating me these past few months. If this is what a condom feels like, I feel used!
Not that you make me feel that way all the time. I mean, I love you, so that’s why I love helping you, but I’d like to talk to you sometime. In person. About this. About us, and, well, most importantly, about my agency in this relationship.
When I first started this relationship, I felt equal. Equal weight in all decisions. Lately, I feel trapped in a sea of fly by visits and insecurities. This report, I mean, I was more than happy to do it, but, well, I think it’s time for you to treat me better than a condom! I think, next time, I think I’m going to say no. I think, next time, you can do your own book reports!
Robert Kingett 